In 1977 when I was 8 years old, my father took me to see Star Wars. Sure, I was blown away by all the special effects which were indeed ahead of their time..at the time. And I was a kid, easily amused because my previous trips to movie theaters were all for cartoon films. I even played with the toys as a kid because I was too stupid to see the inherent propaganda of action figures and good guy/bad guy dualism that the military industrial complex portrays as a picture of the world at large. I am grateful that it did not stick!


But for fucks sakes, Star Wars really really sucks. Come on...it's trite, idiotically simplistic, and a reworked version of Camelot. What the fuck is with starting at part 4??? It's fundamentally a judeo-christian morality play and like most hollywood movies before and after it, portrays a single narrative: Morally pure hero, conflict, love intrest, resolution, good guy wins battle and girl....America wins again.

And the movie made very little sense..ships don't make noise in space, english is probably not the language of an ENTIRE distant galaxy that existed PRIOR to england etc. I know it sounds nit picky, but these things are not required for a good sci-fi...take "2001 A Space Odessy" for example. Lucas was capable of SO much more, as demonstrated with the visual and auditory brilliance of the pre-Star Wars sci-fi "THX 1138"

If you can imagine it getting worse, it does. The Empire Strikes Back was next but by this time the billions were lined up for the cross promotion with McDonalds and Kenner because THEY made more money than the movies themselves so the movie was a commercial for the toys..and a bad one at that. This time around we see old Mark Hamill who couldn't rise to the level of a moderate good actor DESPITE the amazing success of the first movie, a drugged out Carrie Fisher and a fucking muppet who speaks english with german grammatical patterns. Same narrative except for the good guys overtly winning, but they kind of do..they at least get away from the clutches of the empire.

Return of The Jedi was the nail in the coffin that is the life of dogshit that was the early Star Wars franchise. Now it was outright shamelessly built around the kid toy factor with the creation of nauseatingly cute furry creatures called Ewoks and jungle party finales with shitty music. I was 13 in 1983 and I felt the movie was a kid's movie. Carrie Fisher is now so fucked up on the smack that she cannot hold her head up to deliver her lines. This was all shortly follwed by a saturday morning cartoon and a made for tv movie featuring kids who shack up with ewoks.

I won't even talk about the prequels. What's the point? Jar Jar Binks..'nuff said.

But if there is one group of people who need to be Auschwitized, it's the Star Wars nerds..the ones who are SO into the franchise that they almost belive it's real. It is so shamefully foolish to worship A MOVIE, and yes fuckers, IT IS JUST A MOVIE AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN. You might associate or confuse it with nostalgia for your childhood, but that's because you are an idiot who defined their childhood through promotional toys and distracting hollywood entertainment. If you go to conventions dressed up like a Star Wars character, you deserve to be shot when the REAL Rebellion starts..up against the wall first.