Fundamentally, Farts are the fucking funniest thing on earth. They make a funny sound, have a funny smell, and come from a funny place: a poo hole. Most of them that is..women have vaginal farts as well.
The great social thing about farts is that it reminds us that we all have assholes, even prim and proper white WASP women. Even your priest. Even your hot date. This causes social uncomfortability.
In a long term relationship you get to the point where you can fart at will without any embarrassment in front of the opposite sex. Nobody is sure when this happens, but after many years you forget who broke the fart-ice to start with. You might even play games with the farting, such as giving your spouse the "dutch oven" (farting under the covers and pulling the sheets up over their head to trap them with the smell) or making sure you fart just as they kiss you.
And you don't have to be in love for this kind of fart open-ness. Groups of good friends can develop their own fart dynamic when they spend enough time together. Yes, even groups of women friends.
But there is that mysterious social dynamic of farts that seems to be in a permanent grey area. Farts emitted among people who are mere aquaintences are terribly uncomfortable. Typically you are at work and speaking to a new boss or client, or perhaps a representative from another organization, perhaps a customer..or you are meeting your new neighbors, or something of that sort..you hear a fart and there is suddenly an elephant in the room...do you react? Do you ignore it and go on? Shit, did they notice me notice? What am I going to do if it smells? Maybe I should wait until someone ELSE says something! What? We are ignoring it? Okay.
It's hard for me, because I find farts totally hilarious, and when a fart is emitted in a situation where reacting to it would be inappropriate I have to swallow my laughter. I am sure I flush, get watery eyes, and tighten the muscles around my face in order to suppress a laugh.
Some people make a comment right away..."Must be barking spiders!"..this is a high risk/high reward tactic where it relives the tension and everyone laughs and can move on..OR it embarassess/angers the farter even more and a bad situation gets worse. I have seen it go both ways. You never know how people feel about farts. Most find them kind of amusing, but I have known a few who were repulsed and disgusted by them. A friend of mine has been with his girlfriend now for 5 years, and has NEVER heard her fart...she goes into the bathroom or somewhere else far away to do it, bring it up with her and she gets pissed off. You just never know.
Farts from strangers in close proximity are also uncomfortable. For some reason, if my friend rips a good loud one in front of me we all laugh. But if a total stranger were to rip the same fart, it is suddenly disgusting. I find no need to suppress laughter because farts from strangers are gross. And you cannot avoid them..you hear them in airplanes, elevators, waiting rooms, the mall, the check out line..you name it. Usually the social dynamic requires only the FARTER to comment on it..but honestly, only GRANDPA ever does. Usually you watch the stranger look around to see if anyone noticed or smelled it. My wife's Yoga class is apparently a hotbed of uncomfortable stranger farts and queefs.
Smells are great..they are the lingeing evidence long after the soundwave has left their asshole at mach 1. Smells give a fart true character, and can be more embarassing than the noise of the fart itself. Generally speaking, the louder a fart, the less stinky it will be, while the quieter the fart, the more stinky it will be...although there are enough exceptions to the rule out there. You can get away with a fart that nobody hears, but you can be caught by the smell.
Just last month I went to the supply closet at the office as I saw a woman coming out..strangely, with no supplies....I began idle chit chat with her but she had this weird vibe about her..I walked into the closet and knew exactly why..FART SMELL. She had gone in there to rip a stinker and had not expected anyone to walk in there. I couldn't help myself, it was instinctive..sniffed loudly in response while she stood there. Then I continued my idle chit chat but our eyes met and I knew she knew I knew she farted. Deep down in my perverted core this turned me on..she is a moderately attractive woman...this is what her asshole smells like..this is what is deep in her bowels right now..this is biological..mmmmmm I am such a perv!
The great social thing about farts is that it reminds us that we all have assholes, even prim and proper white WASP women. Even your priest. Even your hot date. This causes social uncomfortability.
In a long term relationship you get to the point where you can fart at will without any embarrassment in front of the opposite sex. Nobody is sure when this happens, but after many years you forget who broke the fart-ice to start with. You might even play games with the farting, such as giving your spouse the "dutch oven" (farting under the covers and pulling the sheets up over their head to trap them with the smell) or making sure you fart just as they kiss you.
And you don't have to be in love for this kind of fart open-ness. Groups of good friends can develop their own fart dynamic when they spend enough time together. Yes, even groups of women friends.
But there is that mysterious social dynamic of farts that seems to be in a permanent grey area. Farts emitted among people who are mere aquaintences are terribly uncomfortable. Typically you are at work and speaking to a new boss or client, or perhaps a representative from another organization, perhaps a customer..or you are meeting your new neighbors, or something of that sort..you hear a fart and there is suddenly an elephant in the room...do you react? Do you ignore it and go on? Shit, did they notice me notice? What am I going to do if it smells? Maybe I should wait until someone ELSE says something! What? We are ignoring it? Okay.
It's hard for me, because I find farts totally hilarious, and when a fart is emitted in a situation where reacting to it would be inappropriate I have to swallow my laughter. I am sure I flush, get watery eyes, and tighten the muscles around my face in order to suppress a laugh.
Some people make a comment right away..."Must be barking spiders!"..this is a high risk/high reward tactic where it relives the tension and everyone laughs and can move on..OR it embarassess/angers the farter even more and a bad situation gets worse. I have seen it go both ways. You never know how people feel about farts. Most find them kind of amusing, but I have known a few who were repulsed and disgusted by them. A friend of mine has been with his girlfriend now for 5 years, and has NEVER heard her fart...she goes into the bathroom or somewhere else far away to do it, bring it up with her and she gets pissed off. You just never know.
Farts from strangers in close proximity are also uncomfortable. For some reason, if my friend rips a good loud one in front of me we all laugh. But if a total stranger were to rip the same fart, it is suddenly disgusting. I find no need to suppress laughter because farts from strangers are gross. And you cannot avoid them..you hear them in airplanes, elevators, waiting rooms, the mall, the check out line..you name it. Usually the social dynamic requires only the FARTER to comment on it..but honestly, only GRANDPA ever does. Usually you watch the stranger look around to see if anyone noticed or smelled it. My wife's Yoga class is apparently a hotbed of uncomfortable stranger farts and queefs.
Smells are great..they are the lingeing evidence long after the soundwave has left their asshole at mach 1. Smells give a fart true character, and can be more embarassing than the noise of the fart itself. Generally speaking, the louder a fart, the less stinky it will be, while the quieter the fart, the more stinky it will be...although there are enough exceptions to the rule out there. You can get away with a fart that nobody hears, but you can be caught by the smell.
Just last month I went to the supply closet at the office as I saw a woman coming out..strangely, with no supplies....I began idle chit chat with her but she had this weird vibe about her..I walked into the closet and knew exactly why..FART SMELL. She had gone in there to rip a stinker and had not expected anyone to walk in there. I couldn't help myself, it was instinctive..sniffed loudly in response while she stood there. Then I continued my idle chit chat but our eyes met and I knew she knew I knew she farted. Deep down in my perverted core this turned me on..she is a moderately attractive woman...this is what her asshole smells like..this is what is deep in her bowels right now..this is biological..mmmmmm I am such a perv!
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Re: The Sociology of Farts
Fri, June 27, 2008 - 6:32 PMThe only time I have ever farted was when I had samonella, I think it must be something that vegans and people that eat salads do, being a strick carnivore, such distress of the bowels does not occur.
